1
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:19,699
was when the red kite was one of the
commonest birds of prey in England. But

2
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:24,959
now, sadly, due to persecution,
pesticides, and, of course, the

3
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,919
egg collectors, there are very, very few
breeding pairs of red kites left

4
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,700
anywhere in the whole of Britain.

5
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:36,119
In fact, until last week, we were
absolutely convinced that the only red

6
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:40,919
sites were in central Wales. But that
was before we got the incredibly

7
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,460
news from the Isle of Wight.

8
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,220
Right.

9
00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:56,630
Did you get all that?

10
00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:58,240
Three nil.

11
00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:02,550
God, that was boring.

12
00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:04,370
A dribble down me thigh.

13
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,540
Royal Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Birds.

14
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:15,910
Royal Society.

15
00:01:15,911 --> 00:01:20,259
Must be a bit rich if you're a pheasant
and you see the Duke of Edinburgh coming

16
00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:21,310
at you out of the mist.

17
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,780
Here, click my neck for us, will you?

18
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:31,499
Excuse me, I understand that you too
have volunteered to do the third week of

19
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:32,259
the vigil, yes?

20
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,700
We haven't volunteered, pal.

21
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:38,619
Listen, listen, listen. Just, I was
absolutely convinced that you got all

22
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:39,739
information from my lecture.

23
00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:41,180
And it is terribly important.

24
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:47,839
Look, it's just two birds, one nest,
half a dozen eggs, a big tree, me and

25
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,239
standing in the piddling rain looking
for egg snatchers who obviously don't

26
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:55,340
exist. Oh, paper,

27
00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:01,099
where are we going?

28
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:05,500
The nest's here. Flat bang in the middle
of nowhere. There's not even a road.

29
00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:07,500
Well, that's all right. We'll yump.

30
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,690
Lucky for us, I remembered to bring a
compass.

31
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:13,329
Now, where's Magnetic North on this map,
eh?

32
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:18,540
Oh, right little Boy Scouts, aren't we?
The Boy Scouts taught me a lot, mate.

33
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:23,779
The wilderness holds no terrors for the
man Arkela dubbed as keen and well

34
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:24,830
-turned -out.

35
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:26,950
Right, Bob.

36
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,450
Come on.

37
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,980
Ding -gang -gooey.

38
00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:01,480
kite goes, wee -oo, wee -oo, wee -oo.

39
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:07,879
So this bird we're freezing our earlobes
off trying to protect flies around the

40
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:12,699
countryside going, wee -oo, wee -oo, wee
-oo. Oh, it's higher than that. It's

41
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,980
wee -oo, wee -oo, wee -oo.

42
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:21,059
That's what we've got to listen out for.
So how do we differentiate between a

43
00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:23,500
red kite going wee -oo, wee -oo, wee
-oo?

44
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:26,800
and a farmer getting his arm caught in a
threshing machine.

45
00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:30,950
I'm just trying to pass the time.

46
00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:33,450
Just trying to keep your pecker up.

47
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:37,669
And will you stop those pathetic jokes
about birds and bills and peckers and

48
00:03:37,670 --> 00:03:39,110
their eggs in one basket, OK?

49
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:43,150
Do you want to be an old grouse?

50
00:03:44,530 --> 00:03:45,580
Are you hungry, bud?

51
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:48,330
Oh, yes, I am, actually, yes.

52
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:49,860
Fancy a penguin?

53
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:55,999
I don't know what you're looking out
there for.

54
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,410
You can see the nest on the telemonitor
up there.

55
00:03:59,180 --> 00:04:01,380
I'm bored with the telemonitor.

56
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,680
It's like watching the shopping channel.

57
00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:07,959
Clever, though, isn't it? How are they
doing that?

58
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,010
What?

59
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,580
A little camera in that nest.

60
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,380
It's only that big.

61
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,400
Really? Hmm.

62
00:04:15,401 --> 00:04:18,699
Des Lynham did a thing about it on How
Do They Do That.

63
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,380
It's all worked by radio waves.

64
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,860
Radio waves... Come from that net all
the way down to that telly there.

65
00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:30,720
Did Desmond Lynham say how far these
radio waves, like, stretch?

66
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,540
Don't know. That was Keith.

67
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,320
Dave? Yeah?

68
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:40,910
I've got an idea.

69
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:43,670
Still there.

70
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,290
Still there.

71
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,340
It's going to work, Bob. I told you.

72
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,000
Good idea, eh?

73
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:52,379
Great idea.

74
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:55,160
Hey, nothing's going to stop us now.
It's still there.

75
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:03,650
It's a cow, bub.

76
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:05,780
I know it's a bloody cow.

77
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,850
It's still there.

78
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,230
It's still there.

79
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,960
I told you this wouldn't work. Far to
go.

80
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,690
All right, boys?

81
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:29,510
If only this lot knew how much those
eggs are worth.

82
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,100
You see, Bob, people in places like this
are very backward.

83
00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:38,230
If we tell them the war's over, they'll
throw a street party.

84
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,250
Carrot crunches.

85
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,850
Swede mashers.

86
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:44,810
Goat molesters.

87
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,010
Bumpkins.

88
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,570
And do you know why?

89
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,290
People who live in the country are so
thick.

90
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,610
Ain't they?

91
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:57,710
Inbreeding.

92
00:05:58,640 --> 00:05:59,720
It's as simple as that.

93
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,000
They all marry their own relatives.

94
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,730
I bet there are people in this village
who are their own grandfathers.

95
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:09,950
Oh, yeah.

96
00:06:09,951 --> 00:06:13,179
People with enough brains to open a
bottle of aspirin. They all head for the

97
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,230
city.

98
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,720
Is that what you think, Mark?

99
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,060
Is that what you think?

100
00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:30,959
I'm sorry, if that is an accurate
summary of the point you were just

101
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,460
have to say I strongly disagree with
you.

102
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:37,930
Oh, there are people who think that
vegetables grow on trees.

103
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,010
Oh, no.

104
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:41,400
People have to pick them up.

105
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,030
Hard work.

106
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:44,730
Backbreaking.

107
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,040
If you don't put me down in about...

108
00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:53,400
Five seconds.

109
00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:55,790
You will be very, very sorry.

110
00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:57,160
Why is that?

111
00:06:57,670 --> 00:07:02,229
Because my wiry little friend here has
recently taken a course in the Japanese

112
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:03,430
martial art of kendo.

113
00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:08,820
Come on, then.

114
00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,300
Kendo art.

115
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:48,920
needs a little more... Afternoon,
Constable.

116
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:50,190
Usual. Aye.

117
00:07:50,191 --> 00:07:54,379
Constable? Aye, that's the way we do
things in the country.

118
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:57,930
Somebody steps out of line, local Bobby
gives them a clip round the ear.

119
00:07:58,680 --> 00:07:59,730
The ear?

120
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,810
I came in to give you a message from
your superintendent.

121
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,790
They say there's a team of egg thieves
over from Italy.

122
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,340
And they're made in this way.

123
00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:10,090
I read you two should get back to your
duties.

124
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,460
You haven't heard the last of this.

125
00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:27,140
Er... Please can we have our telly back?

126
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,600
Oh, unless I'm very much mistaken, that
is a short -eared owl.

127
00:08:48,170 --> 00:08:49,220
Yeah, there we are.

128
00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:50,590
Short -eared owl.

129
00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:53,180
Ooh.

130
00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:56,410
Ooh. Ooh.

131
00:08:58,130 --> 00:08:59,410
Nodded. Ooh.

132
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:00,840
Ooh.

133
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:02,510
It's more of a... Ooh.

134
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:04,920
Ooh.

135
00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:08,710
Where are you going?

136
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,250
I'm going for a wee.

137
00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:14,250
Sorry. I'm going for the wee.

138
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:17,410
Don't forget I've got the ladder.

139
00:09:22,790 --> 00:09:23,840
Yeah.

140
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:06,680
What have we here?

141
00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:08,630
Good evening.

142
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,260
Oh, hello.

143
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,720
OK, Professor, what brings you to this
neck of the woods?

144
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,860
I was checking, that's all. I was just
checking.

145
00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:24,070
Exactly.

146
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,400
You were checking up on us, weren't you?

147
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:31,380
No, no, no, not at all. You don't trust
us, do you?

148
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:36,280
Look, it's not that I don't trust you.
Listen, Mr Egghead Professor.

149
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,980
Me and him are ardent coppers.

150
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:44,679
Professionals. We've stared death in the
face, spat in its eye and kicked it in

151
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:45,730
the Niagara's.

152
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:50,220
When you stare down the wrong end of a
Baryshnikov and live to tell the tale,

153
00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:52,500
assignments like these are chickens.

154
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,819
Look, I'm sure they are. I'm sure they
are. I know all about your record. You

155
00:10:56,820 --> 00:11:00,460
see, I checked with your superintendent
and he told me all about you two.

156
00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:12,390
OK. You've heard his side of the story.

157
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:15,410
The Bishop of Durham wasn't our fault.

158
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:18,340
And Windsor Castle couldn't have been
us.

159
00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:19,900
We don't smoke.

160
00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:22,610
Why don't you go on to your little nest
and relax?

161
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,840
There are two coppers in the bush and
the birds are in hand.

162
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:27,850
OK. Fine.

163
00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:32,180
I'm sorry?

164
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:34,790
That is a mating call of the bearded
tit.

165
00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:37,370
I thought you might recognise it.

166
00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:47,400
Right, pal.

167
00:11:48,570 --> 00:11:52,390
Now we've sorted that out, I think I'll
get some kip. Pass the sleeping bag.

168
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,590
We take it in turns, remember?

169
00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,390
One goes to sleep, one watches the eggs.

170
00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:02,750
OK. I'll watch till four, you can do
four till nine. Great.

171
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,130
Well, well, well.

172
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,090
Good God.

173
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,960
That is truly incredible.

174
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:39,579
Dave, shut up. No, Bob, it's just that I
never realised the rich diversity of

175
00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:41,380
bird life you can see in this country.

176
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:45,280
If you go to Scotland, for example, you
might see a black -backed plover.

177
00:12:45,281 --> 00:12:48,899
If you go to parts of Cornwall, you
stand a chance of seeing the extremely

178
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:51,360
elusive Aberfinian white hoopoe.

179
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:56,419
And if you walk down our road and turn
left into the high street, you're

180
00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:59,780
guaranteed to see the extremely common
Kentucky Fried Chicken.

181
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,100
Now, shut up!

182
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:12,000
Well, I never did.

183
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,730
Did you know the difference between a
cormorant and a shack?

184
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:21,180
The cormorant is common to all parts of
the British Isles.

185
00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:23,660
But you never get a shag in Wales.

186
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,940
No, I've been camping in Bangor.

187
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,300
Funny word, shag.

188
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:38,910
Shag.

189
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:43,420
To an ornithologist, a shag is a
seabird.

190
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:47,160
To an American, a shag is a kind of
dance.

191
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:51,550
To a pipe smoker, shag is a type of
tobacco.

192
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:58,770
To me, it's just a remote possibility.

193
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:05,780
I don't know.

194
00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:06,990
What? Shut up!

195
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,930
It's all warm and clammy in here. What
have you been doing?

196
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,720
I've been out of a tournament.

197
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:29,930
waiting call.

198
00:16:52,490 --> 00:16:53,990
Oh, that's what you were doing.

199
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:56,660
I'm starving.

200
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:59,300
Do you want soldiers with your boiled
eggs?

201
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:00,930
No. Why?

202
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,069
Last night.

203
00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,120
What about it?

204
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:05,659
Why are you on guard?

205
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:08,920
Did you take a little trip up the wooden
hill to Bedfordshire?

206
00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,220
Why do you ask?

207
00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:13,409
Bob, there are no eggs.

208
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:15,810
Of course there are. There's two each.

209
00:17:16,010 --> 00:17:19,810
No, Bob. I'm not referring to the eggs
that cost ten pence each.

210
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:24,510
I'm thinking about... the eggs that cost
£10 ,000 each.

211
00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:26,440
Ah!

212
00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:28,460
Ah!

213
00:17:28,461 --> 00:17:30,269
What happened?

214
00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:34,110
Well now, Bob, eggs don't wander off of
their own accord, do they?

215
00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:35,950
That could have been free range.

216
00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:40,750
Looks like the red kite is going the way
of the dodo, thanks to you.

217
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:42,630
Well, what are we going to do?

218
00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:43,940
We, Bob.

219
00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:46,120
We?

220
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:49,550
Did I hear a plural fall from your lips?

221
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:52,890
I know what I'm going to do. What?

222
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:57,989
I am going to wander down to the phone
box and I am going to telephone the

223
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:02,989
super. And I am going to tell him that
while Rip Van Winkle was on watch, a £40

224
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:05,030
,000 omelette was stolen.

225
00:18:08,201 --> 00:18:10,209
I know.

226
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,260
I know.

227
00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:13,770
We'll replace the eggs.

228
00:18:14,070 --> 00:18:16,070
Oh, that is a brilliant idea, Bob.

229
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:18,450
You just pop along to the farm shop.

230
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,440
and get half a dozen red kite eggs. No,
no, no, no, no.

231
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,020
Don't be ridiculous.

232
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:28,730
Where's the book?

233
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:38,339
Here. The red kite eggs are whitish in
colour with

234
00:18:38,340 --> 00:18:40,060
variable yellow markings.

235
00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:51,650
It'll never work. It will. It will.

236
00:18:51,651 --> 00:18:53,469
What happens when they fail to hatch?

237
00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:55,700
We'll be long gone. We can find the next
shift.

238
00:18:57,590 --> 00:18:59,350
Come on, then, Tarzan. Open your pop.

239
00:18:59,351 --> 00:19:02,289
Oh, you're just loving this, aren't you?

240
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:06,070
Oh, no, Bob. I am taking no satisfaction
from this whatsoever.

241
00:19:06,071 --> 00:19:07,749
Come on. Give me some legos.

242
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:08,629
Where are the eggs?

243
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:11,729
In my pocket. Oh, well, come on. Give
them to me. You'll break them climbing

244
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:12,689
there.

245
00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:13,740
Good thinking.

246
00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:19,920
You've painted a smiley face on this
one.

247
00:19:21,590 --> 00:19:23,390
You did that on purpose, didn't you?

248
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:27,800
OK.

249
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:29,200
Let's go.

250
00:19:31,190 --> 00:19:32,450
I wasn't ready, OK?

251
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:34,700
Come on.

252
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:08,310
Hey, Bob, now you're in trouble. Here
comes the bearded tit.

253
00:20:16,110 --> 00:20:18,210
Everything all right, is it?

254
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:22,510
Fine, fine, fine. Just scaring off
magpies. Oh, yes, yes.

255
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,030
Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

256
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:25,810
Nasty birds, aren't they?

257
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:32,510
They are all still there, aren't they?

258
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:34,560
Yes.

259
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:45,160
It looks to me like they're fine.

260
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,960
Yeah, absolutely fine.

261
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:53,020
Oh, jolly good. So, obviously you chaps
are doing a fine job.

262
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,840
Well, this is pointless.

263
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:28,790
We're sitting here guarding 40 pence
worth of chickens, then.

264
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:30,930
Oh, my dear.

265
00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:36,739
Well, Bob, you sit here and guard the
nest, and I will go and collect some

266
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:37,790
in me beak.

267
00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:39,030
Where are you going?

268
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:40,599
The pub.

269
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:41,650
You can't.

270
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,820
Bob, I would rather watch men tent than
stare at that thing any longer.

271
00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:51,500
I never did like that little thing.

272
00:21:53,830 --> 00:21:54,880
Hang on.

273
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:56,360
Better come with you.

274
00:21:58,350 --> 00:21:59,670
Get a lungful of that.

275
00:22:01,850 --> 00:22:05,250
DDT, Paraquat, Joshua Lindane.

276
00:22:05,550 --> 00:22:06,600
Hey, look.

277
00:22:06,810 --> 00:22:08,170
Little rabbit in there.

278
00:22:09,570 --> 00:22:10,620
Oh, yeah.

279
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:12,410
Jack Charlton!

280
00:22:13,930 --> 00:22:17,770
I used to have a rabbit as a kid.

281
00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:21,030
Used to sit in the garden eating grass.

282
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:26,810
Blimey.

283
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:28,740
What an incredible story.

284
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,290
Yeah.

285
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,980
Used to call him Peter the Rabbit.

286
00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:38,779
Did you ever consider dropping the
rabbit bit on account of it being

287
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:39,830
obvious what he was?

288
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,240
No. Of course, he used to have a cat as
well.

289
00:22:43,241 --> 00:22:44,499
Old Peter.

290
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:45,550
Yeah.

291
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:49,300
We have five more days stuck out here.

292
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,940
If you're going to tell me any more
stories from your childhood...

293
00:22:53,610 --> 00:22:57,829
Could you go through some sort of
process where you only pick the ones

294
00:22:57,830 --> 00:22:59,030
remotely interesting?

295
00:23:07,430 --> 00:23:09,150
How come you tune her up at the IED?

296
00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:14,710
It's OK. We've installed some remote
control security devices, you know.

297
00:23:14,790 --> 00:23:17,210
Pressure pads, heat sensors, laser
beams.

298
00:23:17,590 --> 00:23:19,210
Trembler pad, that sort of stuff.

299
00:23:20,110 --> 00:23:21,910
Well, sounds a bit complicated to me.

300
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,620
You know, it isn't a country.

301
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:26,700
We're more simple folk.

302
00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:30,940
Oh, you're not simple.

303
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:33,640
You're just thick.

304
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,830
You're not from round these parts, are
you?

305
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:51,180
No, we're from a little planet on the
edge of your galaxy, called Earth.

306
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,360
I hear you were working in that little
hide, up by Cooper's Brook.

307
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,200
One of the great secrets, that location,
Bob.

308
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,820
I remember when, up there, it was all
fields.

309
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:05,780
It still is.

310
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,050
Oh, wow.

311
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,500
Can you smell silence, Bob?

312
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,500
You see, lads?

313
00:24:20,170 --> 00:24:22,790
I'm a bit of a local character around
these parts.

314
00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:27,909
Really? Folks do buy me drink and I tell
them anything they want to know about

315
00:24:27,910 --> 00:24:29,090
this historic village.

316
00:24:30,350 --> 00:24:31,590
OK, here's one.

317
00:24:31,910 --> 00:24:33,710
Is there another pub in the village?

318
00:24:35,010 --> 00:24:37,450
What kind of thing are you looking for
there?

319
00:24:38,230 --> 00:24:40,310
Any pub where you're not in it.

320
00:24:42,750 --> 00:24:44,050
That's the Queen's Arms.

321
00:24:47,310 --> 00:24:49,410
My old brother Arthur will be there now.

322
00:24:50,610 --> 00:24:52,450
Now, he will tell you a tale or two.

323
00:25:03,630 --> 00:25:04,680
Okay.

324
00:25:05,110 --> 00:25:06,610
Absolutely perfect.

325
00:25:06,611 --> 00:25:10,709
Are you sure those two clowns are
leaving today?

326
00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:11,760
Ah, yes, yes, yes.

327
00:25:11,790 --> 00:25:16,830
In a couple of hours, there'll be two
real police men up in the hide, and

328
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,900
They can sleep easily in our beds.

329
00:25:18,901 --> 00:25:21,479
They must be nearly ready to hatch,
aren't they?

330
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:22,530
Mm -hm.

331
00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:25,260
Today could be the day.

332
00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:27,070
Yes.

333
00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:38,460
You'll never know how close you came.

334
00:25:43,980 --> 00:25:45,960
We're cowing birds.

335
00:25:47,470 --> 00:25:49,290
they put some poison down for them.

336
00:25:51,210 --> 00:25:52,260
Shut up!

337
00:25:52,630 --> 00:25:53,680
Oh.

338
00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:57,110
Oh. Never mind, Bob. Just think.

339
00:25:57,370 --> 00:25:59,610
This is our last day in the wilderness.

340
00:26:00,350 --> 00:26:03,170
About time I feel like the Birdman of
Alcatraz.

341
00:26:03,910 --> 00:26:05,270
Do my neck, will you?

342
00:26:07,990 --> 00:26:09,040
Ah!

343
00:26:10,390 --> 00:26:13,250
In a couple of hours, we'll be back in
civilisation.

344
00:26:13,990 --> 00:26:15,350
Up running water.

345
00:26:15,850 --> 00:26:18,860
A matter of... Oh, plump pillows.

346
00:26:19,780 --> 00:26:20,830
Proper food.

347
00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:23,940
Oh, food. I'm just starving. What have
we got left?

348
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:32,000
Out of half of V andE's fancy and, er...
the scraping from a bovril jar sound.

349
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,450
Is that all?

350
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,680
There's a big TV lodging stuck to the
cap.

351
00:26:35,940 --> 00:26:37,200
I've already sucked that.

352
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:42,340
I'll tell you what.

353
00:26:46,330 --> 00:26:47,380
Fancy boiled egg?

354
00:26:49,550 --> 00:26:53,529
So if I go up and get them, you'll go
and get replacements from the farm shop

355
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:54,809
before the next shift arrives.

356
00:26:54,810 --> 00:26:56,790
Okay, and you do the mustard decorating.

357
00:26:57,001 --> 00:26:58,929
Here I am.

358
00:26:58,930 --> 00:26:59,980
Okay, off you get.

359
00:27:01,490 --> 00:27:02,690
What are they doing now?

360
00:27:03,030 --> 00:27:04,170
I dread to think.

361
00:27:06,681 --> 00:27:08,689
Uh -oh.

362
00:27:08,690 --> 00:27:12,250
It looks like I underestimated their
capacity for incompetence.

363
00:27:18,730 --> 00:27:19,780
Move it. I'm going in.

364
00:27:47,411 --> 00:27:49,509
I'm a dad.

365
00:27:49,510 --> 00:27:54,060
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